lurath: teephs (Saber)
This is the dress I'm going to wear: the green thing. I just hope it's not to hot day-of, or I may have to figure something else out.

Portland weather... don't fail me now!
lurath: teephs (Saber)
Pine martens have been popping up in my dreams lately. I've always had a special "relationship" with Mustelids in general, but never such an intense focus on one species. Last night it was Martens and thunderstorms. And then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep because of my back hurting.

The trail ride seemed to help Deli's back soreness. She still has abnormal muscle buildup in her lower back and a lack of muscle in her bum, but I can poke it and her pain response is less after a ride were I work to have her moving more correctly. Clearly, this is going to be our focus. I need to see if I can scrape together some money to have her massaged and adjusted, and I may use someone different from normal, because the massage lady I have been using is now more focused on the thermography. Which is USEFUL for information, but not part of the direct solution when I already have a pretty good idea what is going on. Also, she WILL tell me to give her time off and will not hear that she has had 2+ months off, during which time her back got worse compared to my light rides which seem to HELP.

So... there's that. Do my horse-friends think I have the right impression? I'm SURE she injured her hip while we were at Destiny Farms flailing around in her stall. Since then I've had vets check her out and they said she seems sound. Just atrophied and using the wrong parts of her body to move.

Like ME! My body has been so retarded lately. Essentially, I think I broke my neck and back when I was coughing horribly. Heck, I'm still having RANDOM coughing fits. It's all painful.

IUD/Reproductive chatter )

I'm probably thinking about this right now because my parents are planning on having a "family dinner party" this weekend when I'm in SoCal visiting them. That means my Dad's side of the family, all of whom I don't like. I'll shmooze a little as my uncle's wife has connections to the EPA, which is a job I wouldn't mind having. But if my cousins are there I'm going to have to resist running away. I fucking hate those "kids", even if they are brain damaged little freaks.

I'm NOT looking forward to questions about our "wedding"; there are already issues with my sister demanding to be there or she will "have nothing left to live for". Ugh. Which means we can't get married when we were planning (beginning of next month) because that's when my sister starts college classes.

Having decided to elope clearly does not take away all the drama I want to avoid.

One bonus for this weekend is one of my best friends from college, Dawn, lives right near my parent's new house. So we are going to go on a nice long trail ride where I will ride her mom's horse, a Missouri Fox Trotter! I've only ever ridden a paso fino, so I'm curious to try another gaited breed. It will be fun to hang out with her. I wished I lived closer to all my best friends!
lurath: teephs (Default)
What do you think of the terms “husband” and “wife”?

It’s something I was thinking about yesterday that I found interesting and wanted insight on.

I was only thinking about it because I was considering the possibility of marrying my boyfriend, Brian, so that I could get him on my school health insurance in the next couple months. There is no denying he needs health insurance, but he also can’t afford to pay for it on his own (maybe he WILL if he gets the same number of hours but pays less rent in Portland). It irks me that you can’t put long-time partners on health insurance. Of course, what irks me more is our messed up health-system that makes it impossible for people like Brian and me to GET quality health care. But that’s another argument for another day (and BLESS Planned Parenthood!).

In thinking about it yesterday I found the term “husband” makes me instinctively uncomfortable. So does “wife”. I don’t usually think of myself as anti-tradition because these feelings don’t come from a desire to be different. In thinking about it further I found that I had similar uncomfortable feelings toward the label of “fiancé”. Which seems to suggest an aversion to marriage in general. To be honest, marriage freaks me out. I think in my culture what marriage actually means has been blurred by combining legal and religious terms in ways that don’t always make sense. If there weren’t so many legal benefits (and WHY are there so many legal benefits? I thought we were supposed to be separating church and state) I probably would never get married. The thought of having a wedding appeals to me in that I’ll be able to wear a gorgeous green dress and have all my friends giving me attention, but the very thought of having some person announce us “husband and wife” makes me deeply uncomfortable. The term I use now—partner—feels right, but when I use it in public people assume I’m in a lesbian relationship. I hate having to explain even though I’m also amused by the weight such words carry—one reason I love the English language. What I want to say is: “my partner has a penis, actually. But we don’t really fall into gender stereotypes. If I were to be cliché I would say that I wear the ‘pants’ in the relationship.” It’s because 'partner' is a gender-neutral term, and therefore fits us better. Which I like for some reason. Maybe because as far as gender is concerned, I view myself differently than the norm? Do I really define gender differently than what is usual? How do you define it?

So I like the term “partner”. I also like the term “mate”. Probably because I feel that most animals that take sexual partners do it much more sensibly than humans in general. I like to think I am sensible in that respect (at least NOW. My reasons for being in a relationship before were lame human ones). But Brian is already my mate, and I call him so all the time. It's not a legal or religious thing at all. If I do get married I’m going to have them call us “partners” or “mates” in the ceremony, and we can be “partners” throughout the marriage.
I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately simply because all of my past friends are married (some of them with several kids!). I also have two cousins (one a couple years older, one a couple years younger) getting married this summer. Maybe it’s something I’ll want someday because of romantic reasons, but for right now I can only see doing it for the monetary advantages.

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Lurath

May 2015

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