lurath: teephs (weasel will)
And I dream of Andrew kissing me. NOT HELPFUL stupidstupidbrain. Though I am curious why it's always Andrew who is kissing me, while I always see Brian as an animal in dreams (he's a mule deer!).

Luckily that dream made me wake up (feeling all disjointed, as such dreams usually do), and when I fell back asleep I ran with a pack of spotted hyenas. We stalked a lion. Stole her kill. Crunched some bones. And then took down a water buffalo after chasing it for miles and miles. The smells were intense. All my senses were so much better than my puny human meat senses. I clamped my jaws on the buffalo's nose and it shook me, trying to gore me, but I didn't let go. I could feel it's hot grassy breath shuddering out between my teeth.

I'm tired now and somewhat sleep deprived (recovering from being sick the past couple days), but I feel mentally more sane now. A hyena was exactly what I needed even though I didn't know it at the time. Intelligence, endurance, putting everything in its right place. By force if necessary.

I also decided I'm not going to pay those medical bills. THEY were the ones that fucked up. I did everything I could have done at the time to make sure things were going smoothly. But they fucked it up.

Bar exam study continues. I'm working from about 7am to 9:30pm STRAIGHT, with only breaks for meals and occasionally showering. I'm going to try and make room for exercise too once I stop feeling sick.
lurath: teephs (KittyDeath)
I love kittens. I have always wanted a polydactyl cat. Especially if I could get a tuxedo poly kitten. Lame and particular I know, but I LOVE their huge deformed hands.

Lately I've been dreaming that I have this same dog. Basically what looks like a pit-mix of some kind that is a dark tan/auburn color. It almost looks like a pit-kelpie or pit-vizla cross from the color of it and the fact that it is fairly small. Maybe I will get this dog sometime in the future. I'm not a dog person, but if my life was in the right place I know I would enjoy having one.

Yep.
lurath: teephs (chestnut mare)
Sometimes I feel like all the dreams I have about my future are laid on the foundation that is Her.

From Summer Exploits 2010


Love. Stress. Worry. Hope. Forgiveness. Power. Flight.
lurath: teephs (Default)
Interesting dreams of fairytale lands and adventures. And then me an that tall dark gray horse with Brian on Deli behind me.

There was wind in my hair, catching on my lips. I could smell warm grass and horse and hear the sound of a woodpecker calling out.

Dream.

Apr. 7th, 2010 08:34 am
lurath: teephs (Default)
I was a leopard seal swimming around and hunting penguins.

Oh joy, it was amazing being this hunter in the sea — sleek and powerful and hungry.

And penguins? Mmm, tasty.
lurath: teephs (Default)
I totally had a dream where both Deli and I had NEW babies at the same time. I put mine in the poo wheelbarrow while I played with Deli's new baby who was a COOOOT little dark bay filly with one really high stocking and a thin nose stripe. Deli was adorable and fixated on the little thing! The whole dream I felt like I was forgetting something (my baby with the manure) but kept shrugging it off.

Oh. Em. Gee. What does it mean?!

But the good news is that I totally slept through the night without being woken up by the pain WITHOUT DRUGS for the first time since my accident. Mir did wake me up when she decided it would be fun to chase her tail while on my chest, but that was much more pleasant. Whee!

Wistful...

Feb. 23rd, 2010 07:54 am
lurath: teephs (Default)
I had a dream about having a little old church with long stained glass windows on my wild tangle of a property. I was pushing the heavy carved wood doors open and latching them in place. I stood in the open floor with colored sunbeams dancing off my bare arms. I could smell the oldness of the building, the hint of cloves and cloth. Jesus, with a dove on his hand, stretching out above me. The walls are solid, the roof beams dotted with swallow nests, because even though the roof is intact, the small circular window above the stage has broken at some point to let them in with the unfiltered light.

And then a truck backs up to the building and we unload and stack several thousand pounds of fresh-smelling hay onto wooden pallets I have set up in the center of the church's floor.

My home has a church on it. And the church is my hay barn.
lurath: teephs (Default)
Despite going to bed late, I slept well. My bed was warm and I felt more relaxed then I have in weeks.
I had so many dreams last night.

The main one was where I had all these superhuman powers. I was invincible but the world was dying. The oceans were barren and everywhere was filled with mall plazas. Slowly my power bled out of me. With each bulldozed patch of ground I could no longer jump so high, and lift as much. My “friends” didn’t know I had these powers, but they did notice when I kept trying to jump gigantic flower pots, refusing to believe that my powers were failing.

And then I dreamt of Andrew. We were sitting together on a bench in the warm evening. Then I got up and told him it hurt too much to love him like that. I really wanted to kiss him and hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay—that he’d make it—in what context I don’t know. In the dream he told me again: “I like you Marie because you are honest. I can trust you to be honest no matter how bad it is.” For some reason that repeated and I pulled away with a knot in my stomach.

[Yep, that’s me, honest to a fault (when it is important).]

And then I was with Deli and I was freed of the fetters. I was riding her but without saddle or bridle and I was leaned over her neck and she just ran—not in circles but towards some unknown end. I could feel her sweat. I could feel the bunching of her muscles underneath my thighs. I could feel myself crying but I wasn’t sure why. Was I very happy or devastated? I think there was a little of both.

My skin is crawling with the sensation I get before something happens. I need to start catching my dreams again. They are trying to tell me something important but I don’t think about them enough. I have stopped thinking out of exhaustion.

And I really better start, as I have that midterm and essay to finish.

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Lurath

May 2015

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